It’s Bittersweet.


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I hate that I miss you. I really do miss you, I miss our playful banter and even your tongue biting sarcasm. I miss the way we would stay up all night and talk about random BS. I miss how I didn’t have to pretend around you. You just came into my life with no warning sign. How was I supposed to know that you would cause so much wreck and havoc in this boring life of mine? Oh, I really do miss the way you spoke to me, there was something so sexy in the way you spoke freely and passionate about things you cared about. I never planned on have deep feelings for you.

No,this is not a sad love story. This is a story of how you opened something in me that I didn’t know was there. I found my passion in writing again, your love for poetry was all it took. Why did you have to like the same things that I did. We were so different yet so similar. I miss the way I went to bed with a simile because all I could think about was the silly things you said to me. I never planned on making you the epitome of my fantasies, you have no idea what I fantasized about with you. Here’s the ridiculous part; we hadn’t even met and I already felt this way about you. Call me naive but I counted down the days that I would finally get to see you. I hate that you made me feel this way without even trying,screw you for messing me up.  Thank you.

The day I met you…. I was a bag of nerves, God knows where I had the strength to feign nonchalance. My knees turned to jelly, I was almost certain you could hear the loud beat of my traitorous heart. I knew that I was done, no turning back. I was already crazy for you. I wanted you, everything single thing about you,your flaws and all. I wanted to know your deepest secrets and your fears. I still think about the first time you hugged me, I wanted to stay there forever. Your smell will always be with me, always. This is not a sad story about how you broke my heart, cause I was never in love with you. I was in depth with you, ( I don’t think there’s anything like that but who cares right?) I just always felt contented with whatever we had,I knew deep down that this was too good to be true. You don’t want to know the damage you’ve ensued in me, you left me high on you, there was no getting enough of you.

I still remember what you said to me before we fell asleep,that’s my favourite memory of us. My body tucked under your chin, my head right above your heart, I was never happier than in that moment. It all just came to a halt, just like that. I kept expecting your text, to tell me that I was just being paranoid, I’m still waiting for that text. I could write about the gory details of what happened but I’d rather not. You don’t even know that I ever felt this way about you, I see it as a blessing and a curse. You’d never know that what I felt for you was a consuming fire, I’d rather keep it that way. It hurts so bad that you’re right here, we have mutual friends which means that you ‘ll always haunt me. Like I said before, there’s no getting over you. Slowly but surely, I hope to rebuild the foundation that you so nicely crumbled. I just want to thank you for rekindling what I thought was dead.  I know  now that it was just me looking for something that wasn’t there. You were never mine to begin with and you will never be.

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