I was lying on my bed, just thinking… The sadness inside was a cruel monster. Memories twirled in my head but that sadness kept rearing its ugly head. Summer was supposed to be super fun. BBQ’s ever day, lazying on the beach,shopping and just hanging out with friends. Well, that’s not what happened so far.
Waking up everyday has been a constant struggle. Sleeping erased every thought of sadness which was gradually enveloping me. It was like an octopus, wrapping its slimy tentacles and firmly attaching itself onto me. At first, I welcomed the feeling of not having to wake up to the annoying morning bell in school. Not to mention no lectures. I was ecstatic.
But, I was becoming empty. After the first three days I think?? I felt trapped and angry with a hint of loneliness creeping in. I pushed them all away, not wanting to accept what was right in front of me. How could I?
I filled my days by surfing the internet every hour of everyday into the wee hours of the night. I picked up a book at times but never had the spirit to read and enjoy it. Maybe I was the cause of my sadness? Or not?
Anyways, I filled my head by daydreaming. Some days, I would just drift into an unknown place. A place where there were BBQ’s and I was genuinely happy. A place where I was surrounded by friends and family.
Those deep dark brown eyes where pools of misery and despair. I saw them staring back at me. When did they become so old and depressing? Who and what was i becoming?
The house was in a nice and secluded neighborhood. The family was very nice and accepting. They even showed signs of concern in a way they saw fit. I couldn’t blame them. Then who? Surely, not myself. I always woke up by 10 and ate breakfast by 10:30. Despite all Maria’s warning that breakfast ended by 9:30. She always left me a bowl of cereal with a cold glass of milk waiting for me in the fridge.
I was not happy or contented with the way things were going. I checked instagram everyday and saw how much fun my friends were having. Tears dripped sometimes. But I was still stuck here. Wasting away my summer…
Have in mind that I did not want this. I NEVER WANTED THIS. But life’s never gives you what you want. It throws you something you totally did not expect. What do you do? Nothing. But, try and make the best of it. I really tried. I did.
Today was different. I am actually happy. I spoke to my brothers and sisters and for a moment I did not feel alone. I was actually happy. It was a nice feeling. I soaked up every minute that I spent talking to them. Not wanting to let any bit of my happiness slip away. Not even the tiniest bit. My exam is around the corner and I have absolutely no urge to review. I brought out my papers n all but no interest. I have just a day left till my exam and I am still not bothered. So imma just drop this here and try to review.