The Lowkey Hoe -By Imade Iyamu


Lola surprises you , in so many ways.

She looks dark in her pictures , and only slightly pretty. You didn’t expect a buxom , light-skinned babe to walk up to you that afternoon and say, “Are you David?” , her eyes soft and distant. You look at the babe’s eyes & you just immediately know it’s Lola. Her eyes have the same dark , far-away look as in her pictures. Like someone tired of life.

“Yea , yea,” you say , “Lola?”. Before she nods you already know. This is the Lola they all talk about.

“Lol. You’re so tall,” she says. “Are you 6′ ?”

“6’5” you say , and suddenly you feel so self-conscious , like you’re naked under her glare.

“I’m so hungry yo.” Lola says. She is talking to you , but her eyes are looking into the distance , so wistfully as if she can see one dark hopeless future no one else can .

“Oh , oh,” you say , “let’s eat :D”

***

Lola surprises you. Tbvh.

She is nice , open , friendly . Unusual for all these twitter babes . She smiles at you warmly , and laughs at your unfunny jokes. You wonder if this is the same babe Ifedayo used to yab everyday. You can’t just put it together.

“Why do you call yourself Blaze?” She asks , dragging you out of your thoughts.

You shrug. “Iono. I just like it.” Since you added her on bbm , Lola insists on calling you David , and everybody calls you Blaze . It feels different.

“I like ‘David’,” she says. “My first boyfriend’s name is David”

You look at her. “How many boyfriends have you had?”

“Four.”

“Oh?”

“Lol. What?”

“Nothing , nothing. I thought .. nvm”

She looks sharply at you. “Talk abeg.”

“You went out with Ifedayo?”

Her face changes. Her eyes shrink.

“Lool. You know Ifedayo?” She says, smiling faintly. “This world is getting too small uno?”

***

Ifedayo is an asshole mann. Like a flawless , unfiltered asshole . He’s your surest G , and your closest friend by far ; but he’s still an asshole shaa. It was Ifedayo who told you ’bout Lola. You remember he said “no hoe like Lola Adegbuyi”.

“Yup yup , Ifedayo is an ex.” She says. “how do you know him?”

“From school.” You say. Her eyes are still shrunken. “He told me about you oo , actually.”

“Oh? What?”

You hestitate. “Different things.”

“Eg?”

“*sigh. Tbh ehhn , nothing nice.” You pause and continue. “Said you guys went out for a few months & that you used all the time to be fucking all his friends. That you like forming virgin on twitter , really you a lowkey hoe.”

Silence.

“LMFAOOOOO” Lola says. ” ‘Lowkey Hoe’ forreal? Loool. I can’t. Lmaooo. I just cannott”

Her lips curl sweetly as she laughs.

“Lool. Ifedayo is a fuckboy,” she says , “nothing he says holds meaning to me.”

She looks away again. Her eyes veer off distractedly into space. Such sad eyes.

“Your eyes are beautiful.” You tell her.

“thankyou.” Her eyes lull. You know she must get compliments all day. Everyday.

“You are beautiful.” And you mean it. Her face , her body , her eyes.

“Looooool,” she bursts. “Sorry. I just remembered. ‘Lowkey Hoe'”

“Lol. I shouldn’t have..”

“LOL. No oo, i’m cool. I just dey gauge the use of words. ‘Lowkey’ and ‘Hoe’. *smh. Only ifedayo.”

“So you never gave his friends?” You ask.

“Define ‘give’ abeg.”

“I dunno. Straff , knack , fuck..”

“Kolombi?” She says.

“Lool. Ehn?”

“No , like that Implication song , ‘as i kolombi your sister’ ”

“Tf?”

“Lol. We need more synonyms for gives tbh. And kolombi is such a musical word. Like ‘guyy, i kolombi’ed that babe ehhn.’ ”

“:( no”

“:( allow me to be great”

“Lol. Ok.” You know she’s avoiding the question. “Are you a virgin?”

“Virginity is in the eye of the beholder.” She says.

“Be serious.”

“Lol. To what point?” She says. “If i’m a virgin, i’m too frigid. If i’m not i’m a slut. Society’s rules innit?”

“I’m not judging you by society’s rules.” You say , “i’m not judging you at all.”

“Aw. But you already judged me boo. Before you even met me. Didn’t you have your own irrelevant opinions on who i am? From ifedayo or whoever? Before you even knew me.”

She looks away , and you are struck by her. This girl. You didn’t expect her to have fair , flawless skin. Or brown , piercing eyes. You didn’t expect her to be smart and deep. She surprises you.

She moves in closer to you. Till your bodies are centimeters apart , and you feel the warmth of her breath on your lips.

“Why did you want to meet me?” She asks , her perfume laced- breath heavy on your skin.

You ask yourself too. Why did you want to meet her? You’re not sure. All you know is that you had a burning desire to meet her. The Lola babe everyone mentions. You never really questioned.

She presses herself against you , till you can feel her bare nipples from beneath her dress. And both of your lips are so close , you can already feel the softness of her lips intertwined in yours.

“This is why you wanted to meet me?” she whispers, looking at your lips. “to see if that hoe will give you the way she gave his other friends?”

You don’t say anything. You are lost in the sad beauty of her eyes. Forlorn.

She moves away from me , and suddenly you are pulled out of the fantasy , weighed down by crushing reality.

Lola cocks her head and a bitter smirk nestles in the corner of her mouth.

“You people think you know everything,” she says sardonically , “you know less than nothing.”

And she walks away. And she leaves.

x

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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